Avenue Lifestyle: How to Get Over Your Ex

Avenue Lifestyle: How to Get Over Him/Her - Relationship cancelled after One Season! 

Unsplash Images/ Jonathan Borba

Welcome back to Avenue Lifestyle. It's the 11th month of the year and we're talking how to get over your ex. It's not easy but sometimes you have to close that chapter no matter how much you love them or how much they hurt you. You just have to take that step and move on than to wait for something that'll never be. 

We often fool ourselves with the best possible intentions/outcomes or a false version of events based on our feelings of how we love them and not what they did or how things really turned out. Making us ignore the impact because we love how good the honeymoon phase was so we want to relive it and blindside the obvious obstacles or burned bridge which is beyond repair and us attempting to rebuild means it's one sided effort, we meet ourselves halfway and try to drag our former lover into the situation so they can see a repair that only you contributed to and wanted. They didn't lift a finger and you're content with just having them back even though they have no room to love you as you truly deserve.

Unsplash Images/Graham Mansfield 

Unsplash Images/Matt MarianNelli

We hold on to happy memories and base the relationship only on that which prevents us from moving on. "I've never felt like this before" we say this to cover up the warning signs. Masking....not even batman can save the day with this one. Until we remove the mask of deception and stare at the true uncovered reflection we won't be set free, we only hurt ourselves because it's better to daydream and hope for our desire when the relationship is past life support and you can't see that it's a memorial service you're hosting, it's ongoing and eventually people get tired of attending it, they encourage you to move on till they leave the shovel in your yard, bury the relationship and move on. It's not easy but it has to be done..

Pexel Images/ Cottonbro Studio

Pexel Images/ Kutet Subiyanto

Whenever people share their input they tell us what we don't want to hear and so we attack, get on the defensive because we want to hold on to a roadblock. We want to stay stuck in traffic than move ahead. Thing is we hold on to that one relationship thinking that's the only good one we'll ever have so we try so hard to make it work instead of going out there, healing and when ready: finding someone new. At times we settle, often wanting to be friends with benefits with the ex or make an offer just to keep them around. The more we do that the more we spiral and prevent a new entry, a new beginning. We stay Stuck, playing the remix of a song that is more of a toxic record than a lover's listen. 

How do you move on? It's never easy to move on. Some people prefer a trail of evidence to have the right verdict, some people in more than just a second chance as seen in abusive relationships where men/women keep giving the abuser chance after chance. They still see hope even though there isn't anymore. Some stay for financial reasons or because the sex is too good to miss out on. Yet your mental and emotional health are deteriorating with each day the more you keep them around, the more you drown deeper. You have to let go. What is the relationship doing to you? Is it bringing up your best or your worst? Are they good for you? Will they ever change?

Sometimes we see our partners treat other people better than they do us and yet we make excuses because we want to believe in the best that we make the worst of translations just to maintain a lie. 

 1. Acknowledge that your relationship is over.

 2. Stop trying to fix what's breaking you. 

 3. Cut contact and focus on healing not allowing your feelings to draw you back. 

 4. Don't project your insecurities or hurts on others or take it out on your work. Let it out. Don't keep it in. 

 5. See things for what they really are. No more victim blaming. 

 6. Yes you love them. Things were good at first but now they're not.

 7. It takes two to tango. Don't fix it by yourself.  

 8. You're gonna miss him/her but that doesn't mean get back together.

 9. Prayer and Therapy

10. An assuring playlist. Get busy with a vision board or healthy playlist and content that help build you up. Don't stay down for nobody boo, get healing and recover..

Pexel Images/ Cottonbro Studio 

You'll always love your ex or you may grow to hate them but have no room for the past that you're consumed by it and its furnished by wrath seeking revenge. No! Allow yourself to heal and forgive so you can go into a new relationship without thinking every man or woman you date is him/her and you walk on eggshells. Getting over your ex requires you to face reality not try to control the events so you can have your own version. If you're in denial and pictured long-term goals with your ex, remember that you had good intentions but not everyone is for you. Don't box yourself as unlovable, don't question your worth and degrade yourself just because he/she cheated, abused or raped you. What they did to you is not a reflection of who you are. Don't stay a victim, you're not defined by trauma, pain and rejection. You're worth much more. Get over that ex and move forward. Don't stay stuck when you can run out of glue. 

We hope this was helpful. Thank You for Joining Us. God Bless You into a Bigger & Better Love. Amen!

Mzansi Avenue.