Avenue Lifestyle: When Love Is Limited - I Love You, But......

Avenue Lifestyle: He/She Loves Me, But....

Pexels Images/ Jonathan Borba

We find falling in love easy, it's like precooked meals you don't get to start from scratch, so this often leads to laziness and complacency.

Forget the TV tropes, time to get real, there's no disclaimer of fictional characters. We step in at times without clarity just in it because the person we admire is either good looking or just has an outstanding quality that is used as a foundation for the entire relationship and looks can't carry all the weight of two people plus insecurities, uncertainty, compromise, concern, love, attention, commitment and etc. it builds up like bacteria and then starts destroying it all. 

What do I mean? You love each other but there's a limitation. The journey only leads to a motel and never a home, a promise ring that holds no value, a commitment that is insincere. He/She loves you till someone new, who seems better than you comes along and you're suddenly not good enough anymore or you experience a low, the depression phase, business economics anyone? Recession sucks and unless you're a school kid, recess is a nightmare in a relationship. Because a break can be a break away or a classic case of "distance makes the heart grow fonder".

Unsplash Images/ Stefan StefanCik

If you have alternatives or offer ultimatums when you don't get your way then that's a problem. the cliche "I'll wait, I understand you're a virgin, I love you so much I'm willing to set aside my needs and wants as a man, I'm here" only to pull a "I'm sorry but I can't do this, I love you and made a sacrifice yet you can't do the same, maybe I should go find someone else or how about an open relationship? It's only fair, why must I be the only one to meet your needs halfway? What about mine?" This presents evidence that there was mutual communication, it was a desperate offer, a plea of 'let's be together I'm ready to go all in no matter what', there's declaring your undying love for someone but not keeping your word in the not so long run. Gasping for air already? We only took 2 steps forward Barry, what the Flash!? 

So a lot of times people want to be with you and expect you to compromise yourself even for the now burns, you have a few beliefs and your partner expects you to turn a new leaf for them. Two people can't really coexist if they are pulled in two directions. There'll be a tug of war for dominance over the other, one has to call the shots, somebody call Girls Aloud because their hit may just be a reality. No one wants to hit the brick wall but ever built something that won't hold for long? Failing to takeoff? Because while you have wings some don't want you to fly because they're scared of heights, yes, someone's fear can interfere - "babe my parents divorce broke me, I just can't get married I'm sorry" now it's a form of projection, issues that aren't resolved, the past manifests itself into the present oh when do we wake up because if it isn't a dream it's definitely a nightmare!

Unsplash Images/ Taylor

Some had devastating miscarriages and don't ever wanna fall pregnant and this becomes a huge stumbling block, are you pushing for therapy, a way to remedy the situation or it's just demands and a spot the difference? 'You want kids, I don't so we are splitting up'. The intention of communication matters, if you go to war one will be severely wounded and mending fences? How when there's a broken heart? it's hard to find the strength to rebuild in love. 

So we love to a point, till something springs forth and shakes up the scene. Maybe it exposes the weak points that bring everything down, at times it's just a simple case of compatibility that got overly complicated or worse, ignorance where we could've fixed things but chose to let pride in. A lot of us don't know how to fix relationship issues we just make matters worse. We bring a hammer to a screwjob, instead of tightening up we ensure there's no longer a stable connection. Yeah the hammer of heartbreak is real and heavy. 

I used to be scared of commitment that when things got too serious I'd panic "it's getting real, what do I do?" My response was self sabotage then regret and blaming myself for the mistakes I made. Plus I was scared of falling in love yet now I'm ready to embrace it eyes wide open and heart ready to love, arms to hold and to offer genuine assurance yet are we honest with ourselves before we connect with others? Do we deal with our weaknesses or expect love to just change us? That the person will turn us from a cheater to a faithful partner? From emotionally unavailable to having an awareness? You wouldn't start a story with a lot of inconsistencies and plot holes right? How do we want a happy relationship when we aren't happy at all? How do we love when we don't know how to?

Pexels Images/ Markus Winkler 

Is it going on dates? Buying flowers and gifts? Showing up? Because we reference the sweeter side of romantic movies and novels but once we see the uncomfortable side of relationships we suddenly have zero capacity and knowledge to navigate, unable to fix things it's just panic, the same old "he's not texting me, I won't text him" or "things have changed" so it's better to call it quits, why did you get together in the first place? Why are you allowing this bad season to seperate you? The "if it's meant to be it'll happen no matter what" Uhh not if you both sit back and do nothing Roger!. If you don't tend your garden weeds start growing right? What in the garden fork Janice?

So if your partner loves you but....is the but a red flag? Or a green flag that is somehow bringing up tension. Because at times we have so much attention and affection to give, everyone comes knocking on your door when they need love yet your partner doesn't want to feel like they have to queue just like everyone else. Back of the line Sally! I'm still attending my friends...uhh priorities! Priorities Robert! A commitment can't be sidelined. 

Are you even ready or your reason for a relationship is because you just need a cuddle buddy? Someone to cook for you or it's just a matter of "I don't wanna be alone" because in such cases there's never the intention to take things to the next level unless both of you fall in love unexpectedly and it works out. 

Relationships aren't a magician's performance, the tricks of the trade and the magic wand, how illusive do you think things will get? Never blur the lines, always be open than lead someone knowing you're wasting 5 or 10 years of their life, this can result in disaster.

We will continue with part 2✨ soon. Thank you for joining us, until next time.

Avenue Lifestyle.